Boulevard of Broken Dreams
by injustice-scamper
Summary: He's struggling with his identity and who he is... Songfic to Boulevard of Broken Dreams. DH


Boulevard of Broken Dreams

The way I was brought up, let's just say it wasn't normal, it wasn't right and it definitely was not humane. My father he treated me not like an equal, not like a son but as dirt, as trash and as something he could walk all over. He brainwashed me into thinking his way and act his way. I didn't want to but any time I would speak out well he'd beat me, beat me until I bleed and that was when I was three.

_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone_

I don't want to follow in his footsteps, I don't want to be some mindless, stupid servant of the dark lord and I don't want to be a child abuser. My father is seriously demented not only does he follow some half blood but he beats and rapes his own wife and he killed his own son.

I remember when I was very little before things got tough, my mother she bought me the cutest little kitten hoping to sweeten me up a little, I was quite horrible. I did soften up, a lot, too much in my father's opinion – love was man's greatest weakness, apparently. He made me drop my tiny little kitten from the fifth story window... It is things like that, that destroyed my innocence.

Many people think that it should be easy to realise that what I'm following it is the wrong thing and it should be so easy to just switch sides but they don't understand they don't know what it is like.

_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone_

I can look back now and see how wrong I was thinking that way but at the time I knew no better, I thought I was the best that no one out there was worthy of me, of my attention and of my abilities. It had been drilled into me from the moment I was born.

I was treated harshly, I was told what was morally wrong was actually right and he was my father, the man I used to be so proud of and looked up to, I could see what he did was so wrong on so many levels. He wanted a clone and for most of my life he had one. Draco Malfoy was dead but Lucius Malfoy Jr. was alive and kicking.

_Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh  
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah_

_I'm walking down the line  
that divides me somewhere in my mind  
on the border line of the edge  
and where I walk alone_

When I did realise what was happening was wrong, I couldn't stand up for myself, I could just stand by and watch my body that was now his do terrible, horrible things that would make anyone sick to their stomach. But I just had to do it or who knows what would have happened to me.

Looking back now I was such a coward, such a low life, honestly I should be in Azkaban for what I did... but I'm not because I eventually took that step to set myself free, to put doubt in people's minds that I am not some mindless minion of my father.

And it wasn't a small thing either, it was my greatest mission yet... kill Albus Dumbledore, what kind of bloody mission is that? Impossible for starters.

I hesitated and that's what gave me the chance, I was never going to be able to do it, I just wasn't who I used to be, I just couldn't do it.

_Read between the lines of what's  
fucked up and every things all right  
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive  
And I walk alone_

She was the one to save me, after failing my mission and taking me back to the Manor, my father he said I was a worthless son and he was probably better off having a daughter. That was it, I just snapped after that, I couldn't take it anymore.

So I cursed him, I cursed my own father with god knows what kind of dark magic. All I know was that he was never the same again.

I ran from there, I ran and ran and ran and ran. I don't know how long I ran for but it felt good, it was only when I passed out from lack of food and water did I realise that I needed help.

_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone_

I woke up to find the most unexpected person hovering over me, she was beautiful, an angel from heaven who had come to save me from the horror and sadness that I had suffered through my life.

Turned out she wasn't an angel though, but she did help me, a great deal. She was the one who convinced them I was not evil, I couldn't talk at the time myself due to... I don't know I think it may have been depression.

_Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh  
Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah_

_I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_I walk this empty street  
on the Boulevard of broken dreams  
were the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk a..._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
my shallow hearts the only thing that's beating_

I asked her out one day, I decided that I should ask her out to coffee or something for all that she had done for me after the war. I knew she was single as we were the closest of buddies. She rejected me though, I was so devastated, I thought I had a chance, that I would no longer be unloved and alone but I guess not.

Things just fell apart after that... Harry stopped talking to me, the Weasley's stopped talking to me and worst of all Hermione stopped talking to me.

I immersed myself in work from that day on, refusing to think about my past and only the future.

Still to this day, I am alone.

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I'll walk alone_


End file.
